I’m haunted by doubt. It strikes me at nearly every turn, no matter what I’m doing. Whenever I try something new that takes a great deal of work, doubt seeps in, oozing through the many cracks in my mental fortitude. It starts with some frustration and then I start to think too much. Thinking is the seed that grows into doubt. I end up not writing anything at all and wondering when I’ll be able to really see a project through.
The simple truth is that I can see it through now, but my doubt gets in the way. It eats away at my will to work and then my lazy tendencies usually finish me off. My doubt is a safety mechanism, if I criticize my efforts than no one else can and I’m safe.
With writing it usually happens like this: an idea grows in my mind and then I try to get it all down on paper and somewhere in between getting the idea and writing it down, the doubt takes shape. Everything I’m doing seems like a waste of time and hope for my future begins to fade. Perhaps my doubts can be more extreme than others, but the battle against doubt is the same for everyone.
I succumb to doubt more often than I’d like to admit and there’s only one way to deal with it; ignore it. This is much easier said than done. I try to remember that I can’t stop doubt from rising but I can choose to ignore its symptoms. It boils down to a choice between succumbing to doubt or ignoring it, fighting or surrendering.
In my darkest moments of doubt, I recall something Han Solo says in Star Wars, as the Millennium Falcon is being pulled to the Death Star by a tractor beam:
“There’re not going to get me without a fight.”
Doubt’s not going to get me without a fight.
If I’m able to pull away from all my doubts and just focus on that next word, everything seems less daunting. I can always doubt that my story or whatever I’m working will be any good, but I’ll never doubt that I can write just one word more.
I break it down, word by word and keep moving. If I stop, doubt will catch up with me and eat me alive.
At the end of the day, doubt isn’t going anywhere, but I am.
Blog Is An UGLY Word 